


Grave Mistakes

by bigsweatersandcuddleweather



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Dom Harry, Dom Liam, Dom Louis, Dom Niall, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Multi, Sub Zayn, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:52:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1363036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsweatersandcuddleweather/pseuds/bigsweatersandcuddleweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn doesn’t know what he’s done but the heavy feeling in his chest wont go away and he just wants the others to hug him and tell him he’s good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grave Mistakes

His breathing came easier the second that they pulled out, releasing him onto the bed. Mind reeling and body aching fiercely he turned over, curling up around the pillow as the others lay around him, none of them touching, Louis and Niall leaving to wash up together.

“I’m gonna take the guest shower.” Harry said, sliding away from Zayn so that his side was cold, missing the warmth that Harry had provided, hands instinctively reaching out for him but he just side stepped, giving him a smile.

 

"That wasn’t enough for you pet? Ready for round two?” he asked, smirking at Zayn who shook his head, clearing his throat and desperately in need of water, but nobody was offering it, like they normally did.

“I’ll come with you. I feel disgusting right now.” Liam said, abandoning him completely in the too big cold bed. He tried to call for them, to tell them not to leave him but all that left his lips was a choked up noise that they didn’t even notice, their laughs haunting him as they closed the door behind themselves.  
 _Why did they leave? Was I bad? I didn’t safeword, it was hard and I tried but I didn’t safeword. Are they unhappy? You heard Liam, he was disgusted, you stupid idiot. Can’t even make your doms happy. What kind of sub are you? I bet Niall made them all happy, he always makes them happy._

His words echoed harsh in his head, increasing his shivers as he curled under the covers, ass red raw and rubbing against the comforter in an irritating way but he didn’t get out, nobody told him he could move, they don’t like it when he moves, they like it when he’s still. The scene had been tough, paddling and floggers raining on his back, ass and the back of his thighs, Louis was feeling especially sadistic and grabbed a lash, leaving bright red welts along his skin, aiming a few of the tattoo on his right bicep, vicious almost. He grit his teeth and let them, let them whip him raw, attach clamps onto his sore nipples and put heavy weights on them until he was practically crying at the pain. He went along with the throat fucking, submitting as they shoved their cocks deep down his throat till he couldn’t breath, getting light headed and woozy before they let him pull off. His head hurt, his eyes were swollen and tight, but he let them fuck him into the mattress, all of them taking turns and stuffing him full with a butt plug, even now.

He rolled over, his arms and legs growing numb and useless as he just laid there, breathing quickly, trying to remember to keep the breaths going and coming.

_In, out. In, Out. In, Out. In, Out. In, Out. In, Out._

HIs thoughts was reeling as the tingles in his limbs were the only thing he could think off, trying to make his right hand work enough so that he could try and massage some feelings back into his legs but they were useless, the guilt was consuming him, making it hard to do more then just lay there and try to breath, figure out what he did wrong.

_They’re not coming back. They’re not coming back because you did something wrong. You didn’t follow orders good enough, they’re not going to want you anymore, why would they? You can’t even follow orders. They’re going to kick you out of the relationship and maybe even the band. How could you think that they loved you, if they can do all of that stuff to you and just leave then. Your not good_   _enough for them, to be their sub._

The feeling of desertion mingled with his guilt and he felt physically anchored to the bed, head heavy on the pillow.  
When they came back into the room he kept his eyes closed, so tired and so sad, mentally praying that they would cuddle with him, tell him something reassuring, tell him that he was good, they were good, anything that he could latch onto and use a an anchor to keep him there, right there with them.  
But all they did was budge him aside, tucking him under the blanket and falling asleep, not a comforting hand in his direction, a thought that kept him awake most of the night, so so cold and so sad.

When he woke up he had prayed that the morning would be better, but the heavy weights in his heart were still there, submerging him in melancholy. The lads soft snores didn’t help. Neither did the unattended wounds on his backside that were practically on fire, struggling to get out of bed at this too early hour, careful not to disturb the sleeping angels on the bed as he limp heavily into the bathroom, practically falling over as he eased himself into the bathtub.  
The water hurt, pelting the sore skin and it made him feel even worse, if that was possible, biting his fist as the pained screams threatened to escape his tight lips. He knew that atleast two or three of them had bled, the water running red as it washed away the evidence.

_They made you bleed. They pierced the skin and made you bleed. No wonder it hurt so much worse then usual. See, they don’t care. If they did then they would’ve stopped. They would have cleaned you up and gotten you juice and extra blankets and cuddled you until the shivers stopped and you could breath. They wouldn’t have gone as far as they did. But they Don’t care._

Heart constricting he wrapped his arms around himself, falling to his knees on the cold porcelain tub, letting the water caress his hair and squeezed his eyes. He didn’t need to cry, but he was so sad, why were they being like this? He didn’t understand.

The couch wasn’t any better than the bed but he lay on his front, curling around the couch cushion he held against his chest. The sinking suffocating feeling was creeping up his throat, shame at how vulnerable he let himself be and the fact that they just left him tossed aside made the bile in his throat rise higher till it was choking him. His bottom lip shook and he forced himself to clamp down on in as there were footsteps creeping down the stairs.

“Zayn? What are you doing up?” he cringed at Niall’s voice, remembering that Niall was probably a better sub then him, although he was a switch and mostly a dom. He didn’t answer him, just shrugging, that small movement jarring him as well.

“Hey, why so quiet?” he asked, bending over him, reaching for his hair. Zayn held his breath, unsure if he really wanted Niall to touch him now.

“Can’t sleep. He mumbled, pulling away slightly. He was disgusting, they probably didn’t want to touch him.

“Well how about some breakfast then?” Niall hummed, nudging him slightly so that he was sitting up and Niall was laying on his lap, blonde locks fanning on his lap, too much pressure on his wounds.

“Not hungry.” And he really wasn’,t any thoughts of food making him want to throw up.

“Well how about me? I’m hungry.” Oh, he wanted Zayn to make him breakfast. It felt like rubbing salt on his wounds, just use and abuse him, fuck him and then make him make you breakfast. He didn’t say anything, easing Niall’s head off his lap so that he could gimp into the kitchen, because even though he really just wanted to scream and cry and fall apart he still wanted the boys to love him. And if this was the way to do it, then so be it.

Hands clutched at his churning stomach, leaning forward against the locked bathroom door as he slid to the floor, breath heavy and so cold. The others had joined them downstairs and he tried to be happy, scrambling to get all of them breakfast and seek their praise but they merely brushed him off, talking or texting on their phones, nobody paying the least bit of attention to him.  
 _They don’t care about you. You’re not good enough. Never gonna be good enough_.

Head banging on the wooden barrier he wrapped arms tighter around himself, nails digging into flesh, the little flashes of pain going along with the soreness of his backside, the wounds practically on fire by now.

"Zayn! Your mates are here." Liam called, sounding impatient, making Zayn wonder how long he had been calling his name.  
Glancing at the mirror he ran his fingers through limp hair, splashing water on his face to try and bring some color to it before walking steadily back downstairs.

"Hey Zee." he smiled wanly at Dann’ys grinning face, giving him a fist pound.  
"Come on mate. Ant’s in the car. He said that we’re kidnapping you back home. Your mum misses you, your sisters too. And we can get Shimla’s as well." he said, throwing an arm around his shoulder.

"I don’t know." he said, glancing at the lads who were watching him. Louis gave him a stern look and shook his head, telling him to say no. And he normally would’ve, right away. But the monster in his mind told him fuck them. They didn’t give a shit about him, so why should he listen to them?

"Yeah, I need some time away." he said, avoiding the boys who were watching him with shock and annoyance. They weren’t used to Zayn disobeying them, just as much as he wasn’t used to disobeying.

"Great, go pack some stuff. I’ll meet you in the car."

"What the hell was that Zayn?" Louis asked, stepping up as soon as Danny had closed the door behind himself. I shook, feeling the extent of his anger at my disobedience.

"N-nothing." He mumbled, turning away. A hand grasped his wrist, pulling him back.  
"Zayn, Louis specifically told you no, and you still disobeyed him. It’s not a good idea for you to go home right now. We’ve got more promos and interviews in a few days and the journey is too long there and back." Liam said, his grip, usually reassuring now just felt binding, too tight. Too suffocating.  _He just doesn’t want you embarrassing yourself, because then you embarrass him. All of them._

"You can’t stop me from seeing my family." He snapped, pulling away from the clenching vice like grip, stomping upstairs and into his old room, the one he had given up for the big one he shared with the lads. His heart was beating erratically, sweat beading along his forehead as he fought every instinct that made him want to run downstairs. Crawling on his knees and pleading for forgiveness, blaming it on the demons in his mind.

"Zayn, what’s wrong? It isn’t like you to blatantly disobey us." Louis said once Zayn came downstairs, having packed enough clothes to last him a few days.

"I’ll see you when I get back. I should get going. They’re probably waiting for me." Was all Zayn replied with a shrug, avoiding their eyes, tugging the big sweater over his knuckles in anxiety.

"Fine. But we expect a call every single day. And texts nearly every hour with updates on what you’re doing. We’ll discuss your punishment when you get back." Harry said, firm in his tone and stance. Zayn just nodded, keeping his eyes down as he cringed away from their arms, avoided their hugs and walked out the house, leaving them severely confused as they watched him limp toward the large range rover and maneuver into the passenger seat.

"What’s wrong with him? I don’t understand why he’s being like this." Niall said, looking toward the others for advice.

"Don’t worry about it Ni. He probably just misses his family. We’ll talk to him about it when he gets back.” Liam said, pulling him in for a hug, kissing the side of his head.

                ~~~~~~~~~~~

His friends stopped trying to get him to talk to them after the first half an hour as he sat in complete silence, hood pulled over his head, feigning sleep. But all he could think of was the annoyed disappointed looks on his doms faces. They were disappointed in him, he didn’t please them. he was a failure of a dom. A complete failure. Swallowing heavily he took a deep breath, trying to keep himself still, steady, trying to find some sense of security.

"Zee, Zed. Zayn, what the hell is that on the back of your sweater?" Ant’s hand reached out, skimming along his lower back, coming away coated in red. His face paled as he realized exactly what had seeped through his clothes, and he could see that from the looks on their faces that they knew what it was as well.

"Zee." Danny said warningly, glancing in the rearview mirror. He shrugged away from them, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his head into them, digging his fingers into his calves and teeth biting into his knee caps.

"Zayn. Danny we need to go to the hospital." Ant said, reaching out for Zayn, watching with careful eyes as his best mate froze up.

"No. No. Don’t touch me. M’fine." he mumbled, slapping his hand away, he repeated it again when Ant insistently tried again, sounding more and more hysterical with each word.

"Alright. it’s alright Zayn. I’m not gonna touch you. Don’t worry. Everything is fine." he shook his head. Everything wasn’t fine. It was all falling apart, just like him, ripping at the seams and nobody there to pick up the pieces that his saeness were creating.

It took nearly an hour but they finally convinced him to come out of the car, watching as he limped through the emergency room doors, grabbing attention both from his name and the blood that was spreading across his white shirt. They took him into a backroom where they made him strip to just his boxers. The doctor didn’t ask any questions as the pull and tug of the needle threading through his skin took longer then he anticipated, and it was good because he wasn’t about to give any answers. All he asked was confidentiality which the doctor gave, in exchange for autographs for his daughters.

It seems that the lecture that Zayn was supposed to get was given to Danny and Ant, along with pain medication that they held in their tight grips.

"No. No questions. Just….nothing right now." he said sternly as soon as they were all settled into the car. He already had to deal with the lads disapproval, he didn’t need theirs on top of it.

"You would tell us if you were in trouble…right Zed?" his heart twisted at the childhood nickname that his friends had given him.

"Course. In a second. M’not in any trouble."

"Alright, but be more careful. With whatever it is that you’re doing." Danny was looking at him sternly from the rear-view mirror and he tried to be reassuring as he offered a half-hearted smile and nod, waiting till those eyes left his before letting the smile drop.

 

Walking up the porch he had left a week ago Zayn swallowed nervously, knowing that he was likely going to be in a lot of shit, both for the way he had acted before he had left, and the fact that he had blatantly ignored all of their calls and texts the whole time he was gone. The anxiety that he had felt when he had left had slowly dissipated the longer that he had been at home, being surrounded by his family who pampered him, until the rising choking feeling in his throat didn’t creep up whenever he thought of the lads and he wasn’t constantly on the verge of tears.  
Taking a deep breath he unlocked the door, stepping through the darkened hall with no sign of the lads he felt relieved, but worse at the same time.  _Why aren’t they here? Danny texted them and told them that I was heading back. Maybe they really don’t want me around, they probably wanted to have one last peaceful night before I came back._  
The choking feeling was back, eating at his insides, acid burning him alive.

"Zayn?" there was a soft voice on his right, a hand on his shoulder making his jump away, shivers returning full force.

"Hey, hey. Zayn." Louis’s hands were now firmly set on his shoulders, those blue eyes watching him carefully, looking for something that Zayn didn’t know what.

"What’s wrong? What is it babe?" he asked, hesitantly reaching out to touch Zayn’s face, feeling reassured when he let him, practically purring at the tingles that Louis’s touch caused him.

"You alright?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Zayn nodded, lip bitten to shreds as he watched the others filter into the room,looking at him.

"Good, now we really need to talk about what happened last week." his head immediately dropped, hands going behind his back.

"No, not yet Zayn. Just…talk to us. Talk to us first. What happened? Why were you so unhappy last week?" Harry asked, taking his hand from where they were clasped at his back, right near the wrapped section of his back, protecting the stitches still pressed in his skin.

"Just…homesick. Missed home. Wanted my mum. Sorry. Sorry for being bad." he said, looking up for a second to look at their expressions. None of them were buying it at all, not for a second.

"The truth Zayn. We want the truth."  _Don’t tell them. They’ll think that you’re just being sensitive, irrational, such a baby. You’ll scare them away. Worthless, completely worthless!_  The demons were shouting at him again,

"That’s it. That’s the truth." he said, trying to be confident.  
"Alright. you know the punishment for lying. Give me your phone." Liam said, holding out his hand expectantly until he wrapped his fingers around the slick iPhone case Zayn handed over..  _Punished. Your being punished you disgusting sack of nothing. Couldn’t even make your doms happy. Useless!_

"Good, now go upstairs and I want you stripped and on your knees by the time I get up there." He said, turning to give Zayn a moment to compose himself, but Zayn just saw it as abandonment. They were really done with him.

Following orders and completely ignoring the quivering in his legs, he made his way up to their bedroom, shucking off his kit and getting into position, sitting on the heels on his feet, hands clasping elbows at the small of his back, right over the medical tape that the doctors had to put over the stitiches the second time, after he had accidentally ripped them apart wrenching and squirming from inescapable nightmares, and head bowed. His senses were on high alert, aware of every twitch in his body, every creaking step the soft tread of footsteps as they came closer.  
Finger skimmed across the bandages, light and curious.

"What happened pet? Did you get hurt?" Niall asked, crouching down in front of him.

He nodded, keeping his head down as the cotton feeling filled his head, making all sounds so distant and far away. The fingers were more insistent, peeling off the tape and gasps were heard.

"Zayn, Zayn look at me." a hand jerked his head up, making him look at the bright green eyes, furrowed in frustration.

"Who did that Zayn? Who touched you?" he snarled. chest heaving, little bursts of air forcing itself out of his nose he shook his head, closing his eyes.

"Zayn. Who the hell touched you like that? Like they were your dom? Because last time I checked you already had doms." he said, calming down but his grip was still tight.

"N-no one." he stuttered, choking on his saliva.

"Then how do you explain the belt marks on your back? And the stitches that you needed? I’m disappointed Zayn. Disappointed that you disobeyed us and then went out to some random inexperienced person who obviously hurt you. Aren’t we enough for you?" 

"I d-didn’t. N-n-never. O-only you." he gasped, about to let go of his elbows to reach out for him but a different pair of hands held him there, in a warning.

"Stop lying Zayn. Twenty minutes, on your knees. Since we obviously cant spank you. Then we’ll talk about where we go from there." Niall said, letting go off his arms.

"B-but I didn’t." stop stuttering. _You look even stupider. so pathetic. I bet they’re going out there to find someone to replace you, a new sub, a new member of the band, and heir relationship. Your expendable, replaceable. Nothing._

"No talking. Stay there and just think about why you’re lying, and if it’s worth it." Louis’s parting words as they walked away, again. His body convulsed, large spasms as his lips shuddered and a few tears trailed down his cheeks. _What a heavy word it was. Disappointed, able to wreck a person in a matter of seconds._

                ~~~~~~~~~~~

They decided that his punishment for his disobedience and lying would be to kneel on a pile of rice for twenty minutes every day for a week and a long list of chores, since they couldn’t spank or whip him. He tried his best, letting the rice grind into his skin in the hopes that his scarred bloody kneecaps might please them but they just sent him to do his chores, left to hobble around with the vacuum or duster, no offer of help from any of them. By the end of the week he was mentally, physically and emtionally done and ready to shut down on himself. He didn’t sign up to be their slave.  _If they wanted a servant they should hire one. You aren’t any better then a slave boy. You don’t please them in the bedroom, you can’t even please them out of the bedroom either. Your dead weight. That’s all you are, and that’s all you’ll ever be._

And he couldn’t find it in himself to disagree with the harsh thoughts. He was nothing.

 The second that his punishment was over he found himself strapped to the bed, arms handcuffed to the headboard and a cock shoved deep in his throat.

"Stay like that pet." harry murmured, fingers digging into his jaws so that he opened his mouth wider. Tears spilled in his eyes as he did so, moaning as the fingers left his ass, replaced by the blunt head of a bulbous cock, shoving in, little by little till he could feel someone’s balls pressed against his cheeks. He took a deep breath, the blindfold forbidding him from seeing who it was but from the hands on his waist he guessed Liam. There was muffled whispering as he continued to take both the cocks, rapid fast and tough.

"Zayn, we’re going to try something new, and we want to gag you. What do you do if you can’t say your safeword?" Niall asked, right by his ear.

"Kepp my hands on the headboard. If I want to safeword I let go." he said, voice hoarse and rough.

"Goodboy." he practically preened at the small praise, the first one in so long, and it made him twice as desperate to please them. The gag pressed against his lips, a ball that kept his mouth open and occupied. Liam’s thrusts were shllow as he felt something else poking around the edge of his hole, trying to gain access around Liam’s cock. A finger slipped through, not exactly comfortable, but manageable. He stayed quiet, preening and whining as the massive cock wreaked havoc on his prosate, small little pokes before repeatedly grazing across it. 

He froze slightly as a second finger joined the first, bringing on a more noticeable hint of pain. But he fought through it, tightening his grip on the metal bar above him.  _Don’t safeword. Stop being so uselss. This is what you’re here for. To please them. To make them happy in whatever way they want._

He just grit his teeth and bare through the third finger, gasping in little breaths, the ache turning into a firce pain, burning and to much.  _keep your goodamn mouth shut. Why can’t you ever doing anything right. If you screw this up then they’ll never want you after this. You’ll be nothing without them. You are nothing even with them, but who else could ever love you? Someone as pathetic and weak as you?_

As the fourth finger pushed in slowly, slick with lube his jaw went slack, all the resolve draining. His fingers pulled away from the bar in his grip, trying to make them stop, freeze, move, anything to stop the pain. Nobody noticed, still going, pushing in rougr, faster. The tears pooled in the corner of his eyes before being soaked by the blindfold, unseen and never to be known by anyone but him. “Red, red.” He tried to shout, but the gag pressing his lips together muffled his words. The fingers pressed alongside the cock in his arse were stretching him farther than any of them had dared ever go before, burning like a lighter against the tender skin. He shouted, bucking wildly even though it pushed the fingers deeper, harder. He shouted through the gag and tried to catch their attention, tried so hard.

“Guys, stop. Stop!” Everything was momentarily quiet for a second, adding to the tension in his shoulders before there were hands unbuckling the gag.

“R-red, red. N-n-no M-more. No No. No I- No.” he mumbled, pleaded, praying that they didn’t keep going. He couldn’t take anymore.

“Shit, shit. It’s okay. It’s okay Zayn.” They all scrambled, unlocking him from the handcuffs, then the bed, pulling out slowly, their hands caressing his limp muscles as he yanked off the dreaded blindfold, shying away from the too bright lights. He gasped as someone touched his thighs, shying away from the hands that were cold with lotion, thinking that it was more lube.

“No, I’m sorry. I won’t safeword again. Please, I can’t do it anymore. Too much, no more. Please. Please.” He pleaded, pushing their hands away, stumbling backwards onto the floor as he tried to get away from them.

“Hey, no. No, stop Zayn. It’s just lotion. It’s just lotion babe.” Louis reassured him, holding up the bottle for him to see, but he was inconsolable, trying to get away from them, the comforters still wrapped around his shoulders, pale and his eyes darting back and forth nervously, like a trapped animal.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not good enough. I’ll try harder. I’ll try harder than last time. I’ll try harder than this time. I swear, please don’t. Can’t breath, no more touching.” Words becoming incoherent.

“Zayn, what are you talking about? Harry, can you get him something to eat? Louis, forget the lotion for now. Liam grab some big sweats and the heated blankets from the hall closet. Come on Zayn. Come sit on the bed. Right by me.” Niall said, taking charge of the situation. He refused at first, thinking they were simply gonna tuck him in and then head back out.

“Zayn, please? For me?” Niall pleaded.

"I know I’m bad. I disappointed you. Sorry, sorry. Wont safe word, wont cry. Please don’t leave me again. Please please don’t leave me. I’ll be better. Be a better sub. Never lie again, please don’t leave. Sorry." he sobbed, curling up, so cold and scared, hands gripping his hair at the thought of being alone again.

"Hush. Hush pet. The scene is over. We wont do that ever again. We’re here. Right here. We’re not going anywhere." Niall crawled closer, slowly, so slow, waiting for Zayn to tell him to get away, ready to follow orders if he had to.

"You will. You’re just going to tuck me into bed and leave and I’m so cold and nobody wants to give me water and everything is so sore and numb and I can’t move and I’m so sad. So sad and the demons keep telling me bad things and they hurt." fingernails digging into his cheeks, trying to feel something beside numb right now.

"No, no we wont. Hey, stop that." Niall’s hands reached up, taking hold of his wrists and holding them together in one hand, reaching up to pull him in for a hug with his free hand.

"Your freezing babe. Come on." Niall let him go, making his breathing stop and the voices pick up until he reached down and picked him up, carrying him over to the bed and tucking him into the sweats that Liam had brought, covering him with layers of blankets.

"D-don’t. Leave. So sad." he whimpered, shutting his eyes as the weight on the bed left.

"Ssh. Right here. Focus on me Zayn. I’m here, in front of you." Hands on his waist, shoulders, some threading through his hair. But all he could focus on was how warm he was, The soft plush of the piillow caressing his head, easing the thudding in his mind slowly.

"You were so good. So so good baby. Our perfect pet. Our beautiful little sub." Zayn shook his head as they praised him for things that he knew weren’t true.

"Yes. Yes you were. Zayn you were wonderful. Took everything so well and you safeworded when you needed to. We are so proud of you." Harry pressed harder.

"No. M’ a disappointment. Made you disappointed. Bad sub. Cant make you guys happy. Shit sub. Stupid, so stupid."

"We’re not disappointed. We could never be disappointed in you. We love you Zayn." Liam said, shifting so that he was the one right in front of Zayn, trying to make him see his words. Liar, they’re all lying to you! You’re nothing.

"No, your not nothing. Your everything. Why would you ever think that?" Niall asked, making him realize that he had spoken those forbidden words aloud.

"You don’t ever stay anymore. When we’re done you leave and it makes me so sad and I can’t breath and it’s so cold and I’m so thirsty and no one is ever there or tells me that I’m good and I was bleeding and Danny took me to the hospital and it hurt and no one was there, why aren’t you ever there?" his words stopped becoming coherent as he babbled, tears bubbling in his eyes and burning hot as they trailed down his face, his shame for all to see.

Their hands no longer felt reassuring, but haunting and like they were mocking him.

"C-can’t breath." He struggled, pulling away from their grips and out of the bed, crying out as pain shot up his spine from his arse but he just limped away, needing air, just to be away from them.

"I’ll go after him. Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself." Niall said, hurrying after Zayn.

"I don’t understand. What did we do?" Harry asked, turning to the others.

"I don’t’t know. I don’t know why he’s been like this. Ever since last week… Wait. The scene we did last week." Louis’ s face paled harshly, eyes bulging out.

"What? What happened Louis?" Liam asked, concerned.

"After the scene, we just left him. Me and Niall went to shower and then you and Harry went to the guest shower. Did any of us think to stay and make sure he was alright?"

"Oh my god, we didn’t give him any aftercare. Fucking hell we haven’t given him any after care this past week either. Not after his punishments or the chores or anything." Harry said, cursing under his breath.

"No wonder he’s like that. He’s been in subdrop nearly two weeks." Making them all wince and cringe at the things that must’ve been going on in his head. Zayn was insecure on a good day, constantly trying to please them, they had no idea what this must’ve done for his psyche.

"Shit. Shit, come on." Louis said, jumping of the bed and wrenching the door open, his two boyfriends following along after.

They bounded down the stairs, stopping short when Niall shook his head, watching Zayn who was leaning forward against the sink, head in hands, shoulders shaking as the sweats engulfed him and his thin waif figure.

"Stop. Stop telling me I’m nothing. I know. Make them stop!" he shouted suddenly, grabbing at his hair with both hands, tugging harsh and violent, in desperation.

"Zayn, Zayn! Stop that right now." Niall made sure to sound stern, knowing that Zayn would immediately follow the order, which he did, looking up at them with red eyes, before his head instinctively dropped to the floor. They could now see the extent of the damage they had caused him, the way his hands shook along with his knees, eyes darting around them, avoiding their eyes as his fingers fidgeted with the ends of his sweater. The dark spots under his eyes and the way they drooped slightly in exhaustion told them the amount of sleep that he missed, along with the way his lip looked nearly ready to burst out bleeding from his sharp teeth.

"Oh Zayn. We are so so sorry. More sorry then we can even begin to tell you." he opened his mouth to argue, to tell them that they had nothing to apologize for.

"Yes, yes we do have something to be sorry for. All of us were so irresonsible. We have done a shit job of being your dom. We’re supposed to be taking care of you and we haven’t been doing that at all. It’s not your fault, none of this. Your a good sub, our best sub. Your the perfect sub, and boyfriend." Louis said, walking up to him slowly, holding out his hands.

"B-but why, I don’t- my head keeps-"

"Have you been feeling bad this week? Like you’ve disappointed us, or that you haven’t pleased us? Maybe worthless, really really sad and like we didn’t want you?" Niall butted in, making Zayn’s confused eyes turn to him.

"The voice keeps telling me that I’m nothing and that you guys don’t want me anymore. It hurts in my chest and my head feels like it weighs a ton and I want to cry but I can’t because I know you guys wouldn’t want me to." he sniffled, hesitantly reaching out for Louis who wrapped him in a hug.

"Oh love, that’s called subdrop. Let’s go back to bed and we’ll explain it to you." Liam said, reaching out tentatively for Zayn’s hand, instead catching his whole body as Zayn’s legs gave out on him, the burst of adrenaline draining from his body.

"M’ so numb." he mumbled, pressing his lips to the side of Liam’s neck as the taller boy insisted on carrying him.

"Yeah, we know. That’s why you should’ve stayed in bed." he scolded softly, laying him in bed and covering him with the comforters. He looked nervous again, anxiously waiting for one of them to leave but they assuaged his fears by getting into bed with him, Louis and Harry on either side of him, Niall and Liam crouched in front of him.

"Here, eat this babe. You need to get some sugar into your system." Harry said, handing him a granola bar and a bottle of Gatorade, making sure he drank atleast half of.

"Alright, this is mostly our faults. We should’ve seen the signs and not have been so stupid. Zayn, we’re so sorry. We should’ve tended to your wounds right away. Instead we forgot and then your whip marks got irritated and bled and you had to get stitches. We shouldn’t have punished you because you weren’t listening to us. We’re your doms and it’s our job to take care of you so that you can escape your head for a while but you were trapped in yours, weren’t you?" Niall asked, reaching for his hand as he tentatively nodded.

"Subdrop is the come down from the high, sometimes it can be good, like floating, and other times it’s a crash and burn and it feels like your stuck and depressed, your mind telling you all sorts of crazy things."

"None of this was your fault Zayn. You were so good pet. You did absolutely everything that we asked, it was all our faults."

"B-but I safeworded." he mumbled, pulling his hood further over his head.

"Because we weren’t paying attention. Zayn, we should know when you’re getting close to your limit. We need to learn to pay closer attention. This is why we’re here. To give you what you need, and we haven’t been doing that. We are so proud of your for safewording even though you didn’t want you. You knew your limits and that we went past them. We’re sorry Zayn. You’re not nothing, your our everything. Your not useless, and ofcourse we want you. We’ll always want you." Harry said, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.

Zayn didn’t say anything, still trying to process the information through his sluggish tired mind. He wasn’t nothing. He wasn’t useless. They still wanted him.

"It’s okay. Go to sleep Zayn. We’ll still be here in the morning." Niall reassured, brushing his hair off his flushed face, noticing the way that his hair kept falling in his eyes.

"Promise?" his weary question caught them off guard.

"We promise pet. We’ll still be right here, waiting for you tomorrow. Get some rest." Liam said gently, trying not to startle him.

"Okay, love you guys." 

"Yeah, love you too."

"We love you babe."

"Love you too." 

Ofcourse we love you too you pinhead.” Niall smacked Louis in the back of his head but he didn’t need to, seeing as it made Zayn smile, albeit a little small, it was the first real smile they had seen on him in a while.

"We really really fucked up lads." Liam sighed, looking at all of them.

"Yeah, we could have really caused him serious damage." Harry said, fingers digging into the corners of his eyes.

"I think that we should…just stay vanilla for a little while. We obviously don’t have a good enough handle on being Dom’s. We are putting his mental state in serious jeopardy as well as our own and the future of this band, our relationship and this friendship. This isn’t a game." Niall said, getting nods of their heads in return.

"Alright, let’s talk about this all together tomorrow." Harry said, giving a pointed look at the slumbering brunette in their midst.

"Yeah, there’s a lot we need to talk about in the morning." they quietly shuffled around in the bed, making sure that Zayn was carefully snuggled in the middle, Liam and Niall making sure that part of them was touching their perfect boyfriend/sub.

They may have messed up but they would do anything and everything in their power to make sure that they never made such a grave mistake ever again, and come so close to losing their boy again.

__

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Tumblr Prompts
> 
> BDSM, sort of? Basically, I want all the boys to be in some sort of consensual Dom/sub relationship. Maybe Zayn had done something and had to be punished or they had done a particularly ‘hard’ session where Zayn considered saying his safe word at least a few times. Anyways, they forget the after care, and Zayn is just left feeling upset and off. And maybe they do this a few more times before they realize and then lots of comforting and apologies and assuring Zayn that he’s the perfect sub?
> 
> Another BDSM prompt cause I couldn’t resist. The boys are all in an established dom/sub relationship, and they each have their own safe words. However, during one particular session (maybe they’re testing Zayn’s hard limits?), they gag Zayn making him unable to say the safe word, or maybe he does say it and they don’t catch it? Anyways, basically it’s too much for him and he’s crying and begging but they don’t realize until it’s too late. And maybe after that Zayn is really shaken and upset?


End file.
